I (Judith) have had different thoughts in my mind since mid April. And I’m going to try to write them down.

I (Kirsten) started spending too much time in front of my computer while other things need to be done. At the moment there’s only one reason for it: the return of Roxette.

It was April 18th when I was so bored that I started to play with Google. Some minutes earlier I had read Per’s comment on Twitter which was like: “I wish I could tell you”. He was asked about his plans for the fall. I knew something great was about to come but I couldn’t imagine what. So there I was, sitting in front of my computer, looking at Google and typing: “Nokia Night of the Proms 2009”, Roxette and got a result. I couldn’t believe my eyes, but posted it in our forum. Somethin deep inside of me finally said “hello” again. It wasn’t very loud but there it was again.

“Roxette, come back? Dream?” When the German fans found out about the possible participation of Roxette in NOTP I just thought “yeah, then we’ll just buy tickets for it, it will be cool!”. Kind of a normal reaction. By then I thought one show would be enough. Some people bought tickets already when this was revealed, I thought “let’s wait and see, maybe it isn’t true in the end?”. But my friend Kirsten kept saying she was sure. Actually I must say now, I was also sure, but for some reason I didn’t want to believe it yet. Or some hidden part of my brain.heart didn’t want to hope and then be disappointed.

I was so sure that they’re doing the Proms that I didn’t believe what the administrator of the NOTP-fanpage told me. All was so clear suddenly. But I couldn’t imagine seeing them on stage together – after seven years and of course with very different lifes now. Nothing and nobody could convince of Roxette not being part of NOTP. I checked the shows and counted more than 30. I tried to think of Marie and how she would be doing more than 30 shows. And if it was true that she really would feel well, healthy, great and strong enough and with enough power to do it.

At the same time, everybody hoped or was sure that Marie would join one show in Stockholm. I hadn’t planned to go and see Per solo even if I liked Party Crasher because of work and financial reasons and because I haven’t been much into Per’s solo stuff lately. Or for the last 5 years. I haven’t seen any of his solo tours either. And I must say, I wasn’t too convinced I wanted to see Roxette songs performed without Marie. Even though “She doesn’t live here anymore” and songs from “TWATG” live would be cool.. in the end I decided not to go. But then the first live videos showed up in YouTube. First thought was “I want to be there!”. Then the thought of seeing Roxette live again, in Stockholm, that was just it. Something in me just wanted to go there. So I planned the trip, got tickets for both shows, almost without thinking. Sthlm here I come!

I got my tickets for Stockholm quite late. I couldn’t decide whether to go or not – just because I am in the middle of my final exam and need to time get all the stuff in my head. But then I remembered something. It was the fact that I – since 2003 – always visit those Gessle shows of which I was sure  Marie could be there. Yes, it’s stupid, but I’ve always been a MF admirer and that won’t ever change. Well it worked twice, I saw her in the crowd. But she never came on stage and I really was convinced that she would be joining Per in Stockholm this year. I couldn’t help myself but get the tickets for it. But then Christoffer started spreading rumours and I ended up buying a ticket for Amsterdam. I wouldn’t let this night pass me by. A historical night as I know now.

Somewhere in between I started to listen to Roxette in my mp3 player again. I hadn’t played Roxette for a long time. I now know it was because it hurt. It hurt not to know if those songs would be played live again. If we would see them together again.

On Sunday it was like 99,99% clear the NOTP story was true, so I booked tickets for NOTP. Hamburg. Trip isn’t planned yet, but tickets, which arrived today, are just right next to me. It also became clear Marie would perform in Amsterdam. Actually it was known since one of Per’s shows in Germany. I however didn’t think of going to Amsterdam, no holidays at work. And I still hope(d) for Stockholm anyway. I bought tickets for another show, this time in Frankfurt.

No time for Amsterdam but I simply had to go. And there was the NOTP thing going on. Nobody needed to convince me, I already knew they’d be there so I couldn’t really believe there were still fans out there doubting the TDR article confirming it one day before the official press release. Inside of me there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt at all. I already had ordered tickets.

On Monday NOTP was even 100% sure. The day was OK, I was quite nervous, excited, but sharing the thoughts and feelings with other fans just helped pass the day.

But on Tuesday I was nervous. Very nervous. I couldn’t really think the whole day. I just wanted it to be 17:05, the time the main act for NOTP 2009 (=Roxette) was to be announced. And I sat in front of the PC, refreshing the NOTP site, until the news showed up. And I cried. Then I read the comments from other fans. They had been sitting just like me, in front of the PC, waiting for the confirmation to something we already knew, but still, there we were, waiting to see it with our own eyes. For a moment, or for a few hours, we were all connected with, most likely, the same thoughts and happiness. And tears of joy. 5th of May 17:05. That was an important moment for many of us. It was for me, and I just realised then HOW important Roxette is to me. They are part of my life and they will always be, and there is no other way around. There were many feelings going through my head and body I cannot even describe, I wouldn’t know how to put this down in words. I was not aware I could have such feelings for Roxette, Marie and Per again. I’ve been in a cloud since then.

Tuesday was a strange day. Just because – as Judith says – we all waited for a confirmation of something we already knew. To get it fixed in our heads, to final feel relieved and can plan the next tour. And personally – I wanted to hear Marie say that she’s ready for such a big project, that she’s doing fine. All of us, all fans – we can’t imagine what cancer, especially a brain tumour, means for an artist. And as we all know how it changed Marie’s life in so many ways. 17.05. came and went. Nearly one minute later the first pictures appeared on the NOTP-site. Joy, happiness, tears – feelings regarding Roxette I never thought I’d ever have again. I somehow closed this chapter 2002 and was very happy with what both of them did in the meantime, doing the things they like and enjoy. But suddenly all the nice memories were back again. The good old Roxette memories of a girl who claims herself to be a “MF fan” more than anything else. But maybe nothing can beat memories of your teenage years and the music you grew up with. There was this voice again.

The party was not over. Interviews and pictures of the press conference started to show up. Per and Marie together again! There was one which touched me a lot, a report from Bayern radio. I couldn’t help crying again. And then came one interview with Per and Marie, where they talked about the last years, and the future to come. Just seeing them there so happy, the same looks between them we used to know, the same Per and Marie which I’ve watched so many times, many years ago, same happy funny Per talking. Same smiling Marie saying yes with the head. Tears again. There is this one interview where Per talks about a possible new album, which should be fantastic, and Marie goes like “Oh yes” with a big smile. Tears.

And Roxette is on the media again. And everybody is talking so nicely about them. The Rox feeling is starting to be back!

When I saw the first video of the NOTP press conference I had tears in my eyes. Especially the part with Marie saying “I can’t wait!” makes me think “Wow!” all the time. Brave brave woman! Hats off to Marie! I can’t believe how strong she is, how she is dealing with everything and that she finally wants to get everything started again and in the end kept her promise doing the Proms when time comes.

Yesterday night I could have gone mad. I knew they would be performing together in Amsterdam, I was thinking of it the whole time, thinking how fans would feel when Marie steps on the stage, how she and Per would feel with the great ovation. And I had goosegumps just thinking of it. I needed to have my mind somewhere else, I watched Chelsea-Barcelona to keep my mind busy. It didn’t really work. Even though Barça passing to the final last minute was cool, my mind was somewhee else. Then I tried with a book, and this worked. I guess the emotions of these days have been a lot, and this “emotional stress” makes one tired, so I fell asleep after 10 minutes.

Amsterdam, 06.05. I got up at 5.15, damn tired, had to work until 9.00. But I didn’t care much. A 4-hour-trip to The Netherlands couldn’t stop me and when I heard that other girls even drove seven hours it wasn’t really exhausting for me, was it? Unfortunately I didn’t get into Per’s show much. I was waiting for my lovely Marie. The songs passed by and sometimes I didn’t even notice what it was. Yeah, shame on me. But I was ready for a historical moment in the Roxette world. And when it came I couldn’t believe that several hundred shouted so loud that others needed to cover their ears. I screamed with them when Marie finally came on stage. It was amazing, fantastic. Actually there isn’t a word to describe seconds and minutes noone would have ever expected a few years ago. And people even started crying when she started singing “It must have been love”. My friend told me about MD’s and Åsa’s tears and in that second I knew that his moment is something very special none of us will forget soon. Fans cried, family cried, emotions were everywhere, it seemed to be everlasting.

This morning I woke up as always at 6:20. Normally I prepare breakfast and then I sit by the PC and read some news, write some emails back, lately I update Roxetteblog.com. Today the breakfast part stayed the same, I actually didn’t rush since I didn’t expect to see videos of Roxette already this early. But surprise!! There they were. I checked the German forum and there I found the first link to IMHBL and The Look. The first I clicked was IHMBL. Shouting fans. A smiling Marie. “Don’t forget to bring your cameras” -Per. First tunes. Marie sings the first words. And this time I really cried, sobbed. And I couldn’t stop. I watched “The Look” afterwards, and then again IMHBL. Their smiles, their looks again. This connection between them on stage. Marie’s voice great as always. And tears went on falling. Txiqui has emailed me telling me she was sitting in front of the PC crying like crazy. Comments I read on the different forums just made me realise again how connected we are all, that we all are sharing the same feeling and our minds and souls are together, while we are all sitting in so many different places on this planet. Somebody told me Marie cried, Åsa cried, Dimman cried. Fans cried.

I can’t tell how long I haven’t been listening to Roxette. From time to time I hear some song just because of a certain verse or a special moment. But I think I haven’t listened to any Roxette album since more than two years. But the feeling’s back again. It’s more than a big surprise for me, too. But I am in love with Roxette again. It feels like an old love appeared somewhere far away and is running towards me with open arms and wanting to hug me and hold me tight again. I never, really never, expected it to happen again.

This is probably one of the most special moment in Roxette’s life, Per, Marie, us fans. I think to many of us this means Marie is really back and fine. And I cannot really describe how I feel. I feel happy. I feel confused. I feel in a cloud, like nothing is real, but everything is so much real at the same time. I feel like the first time I saw Roxette, it was in April 1994 at the Barcelona Airport. I’ve been a Rox fan since 1989, during 20 years these two people have been part of my life, their music has been there when I’ve been sad, when I’ve been happy, has given me strength, support and comfort. I’ve met excellent people thanks to them. My love. I’ve experienced great moments thanks to them, moments I will never forget and I will always be thankful for. Many fans want to be like their idols, actually, I never wanted to be like Marie, or Per, actually they made me want to be myself, to be me.

I started being a Roxette fan in 1991. There were times I prefered boybands or sometimes real boys but Roxette never let me go. I always bought their albums, attended their shows and thought of them as great guys. It took ten years to get me really “active” with writing on websites, travelling to Sweden for only one show or watching out for them at the airport before a gig.

And this me includes of course the fact I am a fan of Roxette, that I love their music. I cannot help it, their music touches me, makes me feel good, makes me want to listen to that part of that song again, makes me want to sing along. In 2002 a part of me kind of went on hold. And this part of me is now alive again. And I can only say I love this feeling. Some might love football, others might save the whole year to go diving. Others love partying every friday. I love being a Roxette fan. I love their music. And I love loving their music.

When I met Marie the third time it was after she got sick and it wasn’t an official event like a signing session, but quite private. I really never met a person who is living the moment, looking at you and not thinking of someone or something else. If you talk to her, she is listening, she is watching you and enjoying every second on earth she has. Can anybody claim to be like that? It touched me deeply and I realised that the illness changed her and that life as a fan would change with it. All we can give to her is our endless support. To let her know that we even appreciate her being on stage sitting on a stool all night. And I hope we made that clear enough in Amsterdam. When she’s on the stage nothing else matters.

And now I am looking forward to Stockholm. After this week, I only wish Marie will perform in Stockholm as well. I know I am not the only one, many fans gave for granted she would be there so fans from Spain, Germany, Russia, Poland, Austria, UK and many other countries will be there. We would love it!

I know that a lot of people bought tickets for the Stockholm gig of Per to see Marie. To see ROXETTE again. I was one of them and was foolish enough to spend even more money for a really exhausting trip to Amsterdam. And I really would like all these people to have the chance to live what they missed in Amsterdam. And it could even get better!

Marie and Per: THANKS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIRMrJX61Qk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycd2BMn9zKc